As cliché as it sounds, being a mom is one of the hardest jobs I’ve ever had to do in life. That’s why I waited 17 years to have my second child, well actually, I didn’t wait 17 years to have another child, I got married! I know right, how exciting! My husband didn’t have any children and so we decided that we would have a child, sounds so lovely, the perfect happily ever after! However, there are many factors that went into my brain about deciding to have another child at the age of 39. I was marrying a man who’s heart’s desire was to become a father, and here I am a middle aged women, stressing over the thought of what if I can’t get pregnant, what if I marry this man and I can’t have any children? I married a kind man, a gentle one, he never pressured me into having children, he never made any demands, however, I was demanding of myself. A guy friend once told me his marriage didn’t work because they didn’t have any children, his words to me were, “give that man a baby.”
So now, my brain has kicked into complete panic, my God, I am a year away from my wedding, I’m too old to have children, will this work?
Two months before my wedding I found out I was pregnant I was so happy or more so relieved that I was able to conceive. Motherhood the second time around was going to be a breeze, I’ve done this before and it wasn’t hard at all, and then God said, hold my coat! 3 years in and I have never been more challenged before in my life, at times I wonder was the first child all a dream? Was I really a mother? When I was a single mom, I worked full-time, went to college, and participated in every activity my daughter was involved in. I can attribute age playing a big factor, I was much younger, and patience was on my side.
Now in my 40s with a toddler, it’s tough, the tantrums, the going to bed fights and the POTTY training, good Lord the potty training if there is one thing I could skip over on this journey, it would be potty training, that alone has made me want to give up. It’s exhausting, sometimes I cry and most times I drink wine.
Being a woman is tough, we demand so much from ourselves, we’re nurturer’s, healers, we make everything alright. Our children are the most important people in our lives, we go above and beyond to protect them, however we must remember to take care of ourselves. Treat yourself, plan that girl’s trip, have date nights, buy those shoes, and yes, drink the whole damn bottle of wine! We pressure ourselves and sometimes we give in to what society thinks we should be. It’s ok to be you, to sit still and reflect on how great you are and simply love on you. So, when you go into your bedroom to cry because you’ve had enough and feeling drained, know that you’re a superhero and it’s ok to take your cape off and rest.
Written by: Syretta Simpson