Now that you have identified bae after cuffing season, what do you do with it?! Like what do you feed It, do you walk it at night?! Glad you asked, you know I’ll never leave my people hanging or withhold intel. Setting intentions in relationships are VITAL for yourself and for the future relationship you want for yourself. Really sit down and get real with yourself because this is the time where you visualize what you want in your partner. Note, I didn’t say mate because intentions go far beyond just being a pair with a few things in common and being physically compatible.
Step One: Setting Intentions in Relationships
The first thing you want to do is take a bit of time and self-reflect. Can you reciprocate what you ask for, as in emotional, financial, spiritual needs, etc? This question is often overlooked because people are selfish. You want to be fair in your budding relationship. Being able to be counted on for the same things that you ask for is more important than we give it credit for. Another question to ask yourself while self-reflecting is are you emotionally ready to date? What is your emotional maturity level?
This is important because when you’re dating you have a certain level of responsibility to the person that you are dating and their emotions, and if you mishandle your own then you will SURELY mishandle theirs. You must have done some groundwork with in because communication is EVERYTHING. Being able to communicate effectively, hold yourself accountable, and actively listen can make or break any type of relationship you’re attempting to build.
Dealbreakers and Booundaries
Next are deal-breakers and boundaries. These two are not the same, but they work together for the good of any type of relationship. Some people don’t have deal-breakers, but everyone should definitely have boundaries. If you have deal breakers, then you must again be fair and make sense. Saying, “I don’t want a man with 4 kids, but you have 4 kids” sounds very hypocritical. But, saying “I don’t want a man with 4 kids because having 4 kids is costly and that’s too many for me. I’d be perfectly fine if a man passed up on the opportunity to date me for the same reason.”
It’s a farfetched example but I’ve heard it before. Boundaries in any relationship are vital because you matter and what you can handle also matters. Overextending is a VERY BIG mistake that is made often when dating. When you overextend be it time, help, or always being available, you slow down and start to see the same energy isn’t given to you. A burnout maybe soon to follow too. You don’t want to resent the person you’re dating or feel mishandled.
Communication Check In
Lastly, but certainly, not least check in with the person you’re dating often. Don’t forget to be friends. Make your communicative space safe. It’s a bonus to be nonjudgmental when a person is telling you how they feel. Understand you both are human which means neither of you is free from error nor in certain capacities capable of disappointing the other. Be honest, open, and accepting of whatever comes.
If one decides that moving forward isn’t what they want to accept it and move on. If someone isn’t truthful and lies are a dealbreaker. Stand firm in your decisions. Be clear, and when you can’t find the words or feelings sometimes saying just that is enough. I wish you all well as we (I say we because I too am navigating in this dating game).
Try, Try, Then Try Again
I’m by far no expert. I’ve made SEVERAL mistakes – that’s why I can identify them so well. I’ve also learned from them. So, as I inch towards forever, I can focus on love, create bonds, establish trust, and cultivate the lives we both envision.
Until next people. That’s the Way ShayMo Sees It.