Can we leave the love of wanting others to be envious of us in 2020, please? Let’s continue to strut into this new year in full celebration mode of life and friendships, even though we don’t want to or feel like it.
The scene in the image about just makes you make a face and not a good one.
Toni: “Beverly Johnson thinks I’m schizophrenic.”
Joan: “Sweetie, you’re not schizophrenic. You suffer from profound narcissistic personality disorder.”
Assessing Friendships
Narcissistic people tend to gravitate toward co-dependent people. That’s why Toni and Joan were such close friends. Toni’s narcissistic traits served well with Joan’s co-dependent tendencies, leading to the epitome of a toxic friendship.
I’m sure everyone who watched Girlfriends saw Toni and thought “NARCISSIST!” I mean let’s all try to think of a time when Toni didn’t consider herself first or did something that was for someone that wasn’t really more about her. Before you say “What about the Valentine’s Day episode where she curved Todd to be there for Joan after she thought she was going to get back with Brock and then changed her mind?” The answer is simple: that had nothing to with Joan and was about Toni trying to prove she was a good friend.
Weeeellll… There was another time when Maya was begging Alex to get her into a party. Toni definitely bossed up at that moment and told Maya exactly what she needed to hear. Side note: How come Maya never called Toni classist and egregious?
I point your attention to that one time we saw Lynn use her psychology degree: “Toni is deeply insecure and has manufactured this callus front to hide that on the inside there’s nothing there. Geesh! Anybody living with delusions that grand must be in constant pain.” Her grandiosity at that moment helped lead her to therapy, sometimes it doesn’t matter the path only the destination. This led her straight to a therapist, which she even played up as “I’m here because Beverly Johnson sent me.”
Possible Solutions
While there is no “cure” for narcissism, which is an increase in awareness of their attitude and behaviors is a great start. With consistent treatment, SOME of the true issues will surface. Toni “realized” she was capable of love when she chose Joan to be stuck with on a deserted island (after Wolfgang Puck and Bill Gates) because “we’ve been through everything else together.”
I’m not sure about you but that doesn’t necessarily sound like love to me. I was confused about the next scene when Todd got mad because she didn’t say him. Her relationship with him was one of the few where she didn’t have a list of what he could do for her besides make her feel. Joan was the person she could always borrow from when she was in need. Maya made her feel superior because she always viewed her as the poor, ghetto girl. Lynn made her feel needed. Everybody played a role in the Toni show, except Todd. His role was just to be present.
Talk Therapy
Her lack of insight hindered her ability to benefit from therapy. Girl! Toni believed her therapist loved her, That’s why she recommended sessions twice a week with the potential to add a third. While talk therapy is said to be the most effective form of therapy for narcissistic personality disorder, it’s only as effective as the work you put into it. Toni’s consistent therapy may have led to improved relationships, both personally and professionally.
So, who’s on your island? Assess your circle and build upon the friendships and relationships important to you. Interested in how talk therapy can work for you? Send me an email today!
JenniferTheTherapist