Dear Sis: When Is It Time To Throw In the Towel?

Dear Sis,

I’ve been dating a man for almost a year now and we’re very compatible. We spend so much time together and communicate openly. We are dating but not exclusively.

Recently, I told him I’m ready to be exclusive, but he isn’t. I’m really at a crossroads right now because I really don’t want to waste my time, but I also don’t want to rush him if he’s the one. Any advice for an overthinker? 

Dear Sis, 

This seems to be a “thing” now. I’ve found myself here more than I care to admit. And to be honest, there’s no wrong or right.

My advice is to weigh out your circumstances. It’s almost been a year and that’s a lot of time. You may want to see if there is anything that’s specifically holding him back. You don’t want to rush him; however, you don’t want to hold yourself back either. Are you ready to be with him or are you just ready to be in a relationship, period? We have to evaluate ourselves as well.

Also, are you dating other people? I’ve said this before – as women, we tend to commit once we like the person without discussing where we are in the relationship. Ultimately, we end up feeling slighted in situations where we’ve cut communication with other men off to show the man we’re ready and they didn’t ask us to. As annoying as it is, that’s where we are.

  • Communicate honestly and openly.
  • Make it clear where you are and watch from that point.

What I can say is you don’t want to be in a relationship that’s forced or with someone who’s not sure. You don’t have to wait around either. Remember, you’re a woman with options as well. Where you have your affections geared towards him if he’s not there yet; it may be time to redistribute those affections to yourself. If you’re anything like me and most women, when we are faced with unfavorable relationship issues, we tend to do more self-reflection and wonder “is it me”?!

When reality is we live in a very non-committal generation. Sex is easy and love has been hard. So, be kind to yourself. Remember, you are a catch; if he’s not there yet, it’s not on you. Give him as much time as your nerves can allow. When you no longer want to wait, don’t. No one deserves to be strung along while they “figure things out.” That, unfortunately, can only get you so far.

I hope this helps. Always if you have any other questions or more you’d like to add to this story, don’t hesitate to write us back. I’ll be more than happy to give it to you exactly the Way ShayMo Sees It.