Tonight is my first date with a person I’ve met online. It included drinks, food, and a good dose of flirting but nothing more. He seemed charming, but I decided to play it slow.
The bill arrives and we both reached for it. He said “My Treat” and picked it up. I offered to chip in, but he refused. I felt uncomfortable, but I let it slide.
As we said our goodbyes, he invited me to his place for a “nightcap.” I’m not keen on that, so I told them I really need to go home. He stepped closer and held me by the waist uncomfortably and said “Well I think you owe me a kiss at least?” I froze in this situation, but what do you do?!
Dating Story Time
Sis,
This is so common these days, unfortunately. We meet a person – things are going smoothly, then they turn up on you out of nowhere. SMH. It’s a few moving pieces I’m going to try and unpack.
First and foremost, this type of behavior has worked more than once in their favor or it simply has not been addressed as NOT BEING OKAY. Most people form dating habits that most likely they aren’t even aware of. For example, women sometimes commit to one person prematurely not even securing an official relationship. Thus, we slip straight into “entanglement territories” or speaking too often and too negatively about our “exes.” This can give off “she’s not over him” or” bitter” vibes. And then there are these types of scenarios that go unaddressed so it keeps happening.
Being too forward on a date, feeling entitled, or expectant on a date is NEVER ok, especially a first date.
Dating Tips
Always have conversations before you meet regarding your date. It may be uncomfortable to speak about who picks up the bill but if you don’t want to leave things to interpretation, then a subtle “your treat” or “my treat” will solve all misunderstandings before they happen.
When someone is invading your personal space and you don’t want to be touched around your waist or embraced a certain way, SAY IT!! Let it be known, “Hey, I’m not feeling you being this close to me.” Or something to that effect.
When you’re told you “owe” something physical in any type of capacity that also needs to be addressed right away so that it’s known you don’t like that type of verbiage or attitude towards taking you out. Make him understand you both are investing time to meet and get to know one another – there is nothing owed but good vibes are hopefully gained so you can continue to learn from each other.
It’s okay to establish anything of a sexual nature discussed too soon or brought up prematurely is a turn-off. Dating boundaries are important, so set them.
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