Dear Sis,
I’m a very private person. My “friends” are getting mad because I don’t share my personal business. Are they my friends? Are they just being nosey? I’m ready to cut them off. Help me sis.
Hey sis!
I think we have all found ourselves in this situation within our relationships where we question intentions. The thing is, when you start questioning the intentions of your “friends” there’s a fire burning somewhere. I will say that I find it interesting that you stated that your friends want to know your personal business because when you have friends, sharing what’s going on with you, kind of goes with the territory. People normally inquire into your life when they:
- Have a genuine concern about you and your well-being
- Feel like you are pulling back or aren’t as committed to the friendship as they are
- Being nosey
Some people are private about business plans or things that they are planning because they don’t like to “jinx” the outcome, so I get that. But I would ask, what are you keeping from your friends and why? Sometimes we keep certain things from people who we know will be judgemental and wont agree with what we are doing and who wants to be parented by their friends? Other times we keep things from people because honestly, the relationship isn’t close enough to share such intimate details with them so no, we don’t have enough relationship equity to share. But if we’re talking about your friends, your real friends who you have a real connection with and value, you should be able to tell them why you’re being reluctant to share some of the things going on with you. You should also ask yourself, why you don’t feel safe sharing or want to share. Your real friends know that you’re private, but if your real friends are complaining about you being more secretive than normal, you may have to evaluate underlying issues.
Once you determine that your friend’s intentions are genuine, you may have to look at yourself and find out if this is a real friendship, and if expectations are the same for all parties involved.
Once you determine that your friend’s intentions are genuine, you may have to look at yourself and find out if this is a real friendship, and if expectations are the same for all parties involved.
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Call me back if you want to talk more but you’re going to have to give me some examples so we can vet this out!
See you later, sis!
Letter responded to by LaToya of Candidly Speaking!