As kids, we sang the songs without understanding them. The lyrics floated through car ride’s, your mother’s girl’s nights, backyard cookouts, and Saturday morning clean-ups. But as we got older, for me anyway, the words slowed down. They started to sound like intentions. Like expectations.
I want a love like that.
A love that’s passionate. “Devoted”. A love where, when I’m mad, my man comes begging, damn near crying, just to get me to forgive him like Wanya from Boyz II Men On a Bended Knee.
But at 35, with many of these songs on heavy rotation still, that 90’s kind of love feels a lot like a Disney romance—beautiful, idealistic… and not always rooted in reality. However, I don’t throw the soundtrack away. I listen differently.
Here are 7 lessons I learned from chasing a 90’s kind of love, straight from the songs that raised us.
Lesson 1: Love Starts as a Dream
Vision of Love | 🎶 “I realized the dream and I visualized… the love that came to be”
Before reality, there is imagination. We all begin with a vision—what love could be, how it might feel, who we become inside it. That dream matters. It sets intention. But visions are only the beginning, not the destination.
Lesson 2: Desire Can Blur Discernment
Weak | 🎶 “I get so weak in the knees… I can hardly speak.”
We’ve romanticized losing control. Being so undone by someone’s presence that we lose our voice, our footing, our better judgment. And truthfully? We’ve all been there.
I was five years deep, girl.
But maturity teaches you this: if attraction makes you mute, it’s costing you clarity. Being smitten shouldn’t mean being silent. Chemistry is powerful, but when it has you ignoring red flags, shrinking your needs, or editing your truth, it’s no longer romance.
It’s distraction.
Lesson 3: Pain Is Not Proof of Love
Un-Break My Heart | 🎶 “Undo this hurt you caused… when you walked out my door.”
One thing Toni is always going to do is take us all the way into our feelings.
We were taught that heartbreak meant depth. That suffering made love real. That if it hurt enough, it must have meant something.
But if you’ve ever truly experienced heartbreak, then you know—that’s not love.
That’s being humbled.
Love doesn’t need to hurt to be real. And someone coming back to fix what they broke isn’t redemption. Apologies without accountability are just familiar pain in a different key
Lesson 4: Some Love Stories End on Purpose
End of the Road | 🎶 “Although we’ve come to the end of the road…”
Not every ending is a failure. Some are a release.
Letting go isn’t weakness—it’s wisdom. Closure doesn’t always come with agreement. Sometimes it comes with peace.
Real talk: when my five-year relationship ended, it wasn’t the Reese’s cups—yes, the ones I’ve hated the whole time—that pushed me out the door. It was realizing I had stopped feeling fully seen, fully heard, and fully myself. And the only discussions we were having were about what I wasn’t doing for him.
That’s when I realized some love ends not with drama, but because it’s time to choose you over the story you’ve been trying to fit into.
Lesson 5: Love Should Affirm, Not Exhaust
At Your Best (You Are Love) | 🎶 “You’re a positive motivating force within my life…”
At its best, love feels supportive. Safe. Steady.
Not performative. Not draining. Not something you have to earn every day.
I remember being with someone who made me feel small without realizing it—telling me I was too sensitive or too emotional. I started walking on eggshells, measuring my words and feelings to avoid conflict.
Girl, I was high school. But that’s when I learned: if you can’t rest in it, it’s not love… it’s labor.
A job I’ll never apply for… again.
Lesson 6: Belief Is the Real Foundation
I Believe in You and Me | 🎶 “I believe in you and me…”
Grown love is quiet confidence. Mutual faith. Shared intention.
It doesn’t require convincing or chasing. It doesn’t question your worth. It chooses—and keeps choosing.
Lesson 7: Happiness Begins With You
Be Happy | 🎶 “All I really want is to be happy…”
Mary said it plainly: happiness is personal work.
I’ve been in relationships where I looked for him to complete me… only to realize I had stopped doing things that brought me joy on my own.
Love can add to your life, but it cannot be the source of your joy. The healthiest relationships are built by people who already know how to tend to themselves.
The Grown Truth About a 90’s Kind of Love
The music didn’t mislead us.
We just had to grow into the meaning.
A 90’s kind of love isn’t about drama or devotion at any cost. It’s about clarity. Alignment. Peace.
And the real love story?
Is learning to choose the kind of love that chooses you back—fully, freely, and honestly.
#keepstruttin