DEAR SIS: Am I Overreacting In Friendships?

“Dear Sis, 

So I have been friends with my best friend for over 15 years. We’ve rarely ever had an argument that caused us to be mad at each other. We usually talk about whatever the issue is, then move on. But recently she said some things to me that hurt my feelings to the core and that hit below the belt. She came for my character as a person. I don’t know if I can forgive her for what was said. It’s been 2 weeks since we’ve spoken, and we usually talk every day. I’m not calling her or reaching out. She was the one in the wrong. How do I move forward in the friendship?

At this point, I’m ready to just throw it all away and erase her from my life. Am I overreacting?”

Overreacting or Right Outlook?

Dear Good Sis,

First, let me say I’m sorry you’re going through this, but it happens to the best of us. The “Friend Wars” often teach us about ourselves and the “friends” we are dealing with.

15 years is a very long time. I say this because every few years we should be evolving and changing as people. I’d never say you’re overreacting. These phases are usually where the breakdowns tend to start happening. Communication is KEY. Regardless of who’s right or who’s wrong, you have to communicate.

I completely understand being hurt and offended by below-the-belt comments, which is why it’s important to voice them. Two weeks is a long time to sit on ill feelings. It’s childish on both ends to prolong communication because that’s the only way you’ll move from anger to hopefully understanding. I never encourage you to “throw away” sisterhood, but if your friendship has reached a new height and served its purpose you need to also be able to identify that.

The only way to do it is by speaking. Ten times out of ten, your friend knows she’s put her foot in her mouth and is embarrassed to come to you because she knows she took it too far. Pride breeds negative energy. You don’t need it.

How To Handle This Situation?

My advice would be to reach out. Let it be known what she said wasn’t right, it made you reevaluate the entire friendship, and listen to her perspective. Another side of the coin could be that her words of love for you came out in frustration if you two have spoken about what she hit you with before. It’s no way for me to know unless you write me a follow-up letter (which is perfectly fine 😉)

So, I encourage you to talk and actively listen. Listen to your discernment as well as your friend. Good luck girl, and let me know how it goes. 💜