The wounded and healing parts are gaining their strengths again. But, there are still areas of my life needing more work – boundaries. Clear, defined boundaries establish bounds or limits, lead to fewer problems, and happy times. Unclear boundaries lead to confusion, which is the story of my life right now. I never realized how opaque and inconsistent my boundaries were until this season began. A new situation helped reveal this.
INSIGHTS ON MY LIFE
So, here’s a little backstory before we jump into the heart of the post:
I’ve been single for two years, and I recently wrote about romance after heartbreak. I’m constantly relearning what I need and want while dating and in relationships again. While my experiences have been super exciting, they have also been somewhat unfortunate and upsetting. Every guy I’ve dealt with turned out to be the same. And I would unknowingly go back to the same type of situationships that I knew would never turn into relationships. These small patterns began to repeat themselves.
On top of this, I began “accepting” behaviors and actions I vowed to never allow, period. Behaviors and actions to the likes of having disagreements that lead to yelling and doubts, overthinking my actions as if I was wrong while letting it define my mood. I’ve never experienced anything like this. These acts made me doubt and feel sorry for myself. I second-guessed my own actions even when I knew there was nothing wrong. As humans, we all have weaknesses. I know I definitely have some: I give into others’ needs before my own. Sometimes, I do not consider certain outcomes. And I let situations happen again if even I said it would only happen once.
With knowing these factors, my lack of setting and enforcing boundaries in dating and other areas affects the personal self-work I’ve done and still need to do, which I should never let happen. There’s an old saying, “Sometimes in life, your situation will keep repeating itself until you learn your lesson.” And this is definitely true. I’m confident in what I learn as the lesson, but then history repeats itself for pieces of the lessons I haven’t quite grasped yet.
Boundaries play a vital part in applying that lesson learned, and here are the overall lessons learned this year:
- Trust God, my gut and woman’s intuition at all times.
- My feelings are valid and to never doubt how I feel.
- My worth is more valuable than I can imagine.
- Effective, two-way communication is key to EVERY SINGLE THING in life.
- Show more love and compassion to myself.
- Stay tuned with my emotions, while nurturing my thoughts and feelings.
- Doubt and fears are never supposed to cross my mind, so why do I let them exist?
- Never settle, push through, and take the challenge!
- Learning is a lifelong process, and the work is never done.
- Vulnerability is a strength!
- Individuals can and will bring you into a situation that has nothing to do with you, but everything to do with them.
THE PROCESS TO SETTING YOUR BOUNDARIES:
- Check-in with yourself every day, at every conflicting moment, and a couple of hours.
- Write down everything you feel with even the very minor details of your day.
- Continue to learn your personal wants and needs and how to communicate them.
- Value your opinions and feelings.
- Never compromise.
- Set boundaries for all areas of life, such as work, relationships, and personal.
- Share the appropriate amount of information without over-explaining or oversharing.
- Accept when to say no to others and when others say no to you.
- Reading, journaling, venting, receiving advice, and praying gets me by and keeps me sane.
While you can’t change others, you can definitely make changes within yourself. You have to make the decision to grow from it, say no, and keep doing the work. No one is accountable for your progress, but YOU! Anything that isn’t in line with where you want to go in life should get handled in the moment or get removed.
LIVING WITH MOXIE
Since I pride myself on living with moxie, realizing this lack boosted my courage, determination, and mental energy. I saw how boundaries and this self-proclaimed mantra go hand-in-hand. I needed my boundaries to reflect my moxie, and my moxie to reflect in my boundaries. It took years to figure out what brings me pure joy, and I’m still learning it too. I’m still learning more about myself, like what makes me gush and how I feel when I complete a huge goal. This is what helps you grow.
No matter how much I let my boundaries slip, I’m always determined to bounce back to my standards. My sense of character and advice from friends wouldn’t let me stay down for long. I snapped back to reality and remembered my worth. And my boundaries actually serve a purpose.
For now on, the goal is that I SET and KEEP healthy and attainable boundaries consistent all 2019 and beyond. I’m committed to doing the work in me, which hasn’t been easy to admit. And I’m so proud of the growth so far.
SHARE YOUR EXPERIENCES
Have you ever lacked in upholding your boundaries? If so, comment or send a message on social media to share your story!