I truly have a love-hate relationship with social media. First, I it’s part of my job – lol It’s how I get to the baggg! But… We can take a “30 -60 second clip” and interpret it and bash someone for what we “perceived” them to say. On the other hand, situations such as this provides a healthy space for dialogue.
This time, John Gray is under fire. He recently made an appearance on “Sister Circle” and shared HIS appreciation for his wife. Doing so, he used terms such as: “birthed (raised) me”, “covered me”. Now, while I wasn’t offended by anything he said, a lot of women – majority single, like myself – were highly upset at the narrative they say he is painting.
Here’s the full clip and more….
Let me just say, I truly desire to be married – I often times, even dream of how dope my marriage will be. But even with the dopeness, I understand nor my husband or I will be perfect.
I will bring baggage – unknowingly (like John Gray admitted) and so will he and these are things we will have to grow and heal together. I have also taken time to observe real marriages and not just Beyonce and Jay-Z. Even the “perfect” marriages come with growing pains. In the words of Aventer, “Pain is a part of the process… not continuous pain but pain that produces fruit.”
After reading tons of women perspectives, it seems like the upset is that he admitted his wife has had to “cover him”, while he grows up… she’s endured more pain birthing him than their children. In reading why, they were so upset, it’s obvious they are taking the birthing metaphor literal, as if she had to raise him. However, I took it as she helped birthed the man he is today – meaning him in purpose. The Pastor we have all grown to know and love. She covered him from harm and distractions that could have knocked him off course – that prevented him from getting to this level.
I ain’t mad at John Gray because…
I know firsthand that when you make a decision to walk in purpose, that things arise that you may have suppressed or that you didn’t even realize affected you at all. Walking in Purpose came for me before marriage, so I am able to work out a lot of those things that I discovered about myself – before my husband.
Such as …
The fact being bullied in middle school, made me a cold person and have trust issues
which resulted in how I treated my clients.
The fact that I was verbally abused by a boyfriend in high school, caused me to silence myself – to keep the drama down – which resulted in me not speaking up for myself in any situation.
The fact that my father wasn’t around full time, kept me from having expectations of
people – which affected me building relationships, in general.
This level of purpose, I am living brought these things out. Not life. Not a therapist. And honestly, Without being fully invested in purpose, I wouldn’t have realized the affects of what I had been through. But I’m also aware that more things will arise once I get married and I pray my husband is willing to work through and grow through them with me.
Okay, Back to the Grays…
As a (future) wife, I am a firm believer in being my husband’s RIB. As, Aventer eloquently explained, “A Rib, covers vital organs of the body. Its functionality is for Protection, Support and Respiration.” With this explanation – in a way – you are indeed “covering” your husband, protecting him – as he is protecting you and covering you. Now, I do not see it as the same level of covering and protecting. Aventer further explained, “…but as wives, there are things that life can be given to, in ways he may not have been able to produce alone…Sometimes it takes a wife to give breath to make vision alive…” This is equivalent to being his “helper suitable for him”.
18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for
him.” Gen 2:18 NIV
Suitable : right or appropriate for a particular
person, purpose, or situation.
I wanted to point out the definition of “suitable”, because what is right for John Gray and Aventer… may not be right for you. You may not be willing to cover and protect your husband, as his RIB, while he’s walking (deeper) into his purpose, maturing and growing, but she did. You may not be willing to endure any level of pain in your marriage, but she has. You may not be willing to help “birth” your husband’s purpose…. but Aventer is.
To make this biblical, look at Noah’s wife – how she covered him while Noah, while he was doing God’s work.
If you’re interested in more context on there marriage… check out their Breakfast Club interview.