Written by Shayna Moorer, guest STRUT Contributor
Whew, CHILE. This topic is a lot to unpack. For me personally, millennial dating has been a TASK. I’ve heard and somewhat agree the easier getting sex becomes, the harder it is finding love.
Let’s Talk About Why Millennial Dating Is So Difficult
Think about this generation vs. our parents. We are out here – they at least tried to fake it till they made it. We live way more out loud, and in most cases dating-wise, we’re living loud and WRONG. Don’t be mistaken, I am all for liberation and sexual exploration, but I also believe in being honest with ourselves.
We do not know how to date. As if the digital world taking over human interactions isn’t enough, we are also plagued with a noncommittal society. Hot girls and f**k boys are a THING, and people love it. Overpopularizing and selling sex have always been very large in the media industry, but now we can add new issues to an already fragile dating foundation.
What I Learned From Mainstream Media
The movie, He’s Just Not That Into You, opened my eyes to a few things we do wrong. For example, girls are taught when a boy is mean that means he likes you. And that’s really the farthest thing from the truth.
That outlook has set us up for full-blown failure EARLY. It set the tone, meaning:
- A. We can accept being mistreated for love.
- B. Men don’t have to learn how to be honest and communicate their feelings towards you, and this tone is set in ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.
That’s deep. Then we add sex to the equation and most of us started wayyyy too early, so now we are now mismanaging our bodies AND our emotions.
Not one single solitary soul is emotionally mature at the age of 12-20. To be honest, most of us really don’t even grasp the concept of emotional maturity well until we’re in adulthood. Many of us have never witnessed emotional maturity or real examples of romantic love. I ask a lot of my female and male counterparts have they ever witnessed or experienced seeing their mothers being loved properly or have they seen their fathers be loved properly allowing them to express themselves fully, emotions included. Many of the answers were “No.”
In fact, the majority of us are still living in a world where a man is looked at as weak if he cries or shows any type of emotion other than anger but then turn around and ask those same men to show us they love us. How Sway?!
In this day and age, we have nothing but sexual energy all around us and no real experience on how to maneuver through and around it. It is not our job to collect all that energy up for ourselves. In fact, it’s very damaging to your mind, body, and spirit. When you connect or attach physically (sexually) at that moment, the exchange in energy is POWERFUL. You are now open to what’s in them, and other people they are involved with. This is where soul-ties are born – take notice when you get up from that good time and you’ve now adopted anger, sadness, and the anxiety you may not have had before. (We will leave THAT for another article – stay tuned)
FWB (friends with benefits), cuddy buddies, situationships, and entanglements can all leave a person stressed while millennial dating. It’s molding how we are dealing with one another. Most women are now tired after years of “going with the flow” and not being honest and upfront about our wants and needs in fear that it will run a guy away.
HERE’S THE GAG….. he will run anyway sis if he’s a track star. If he’s telling you, he doesn’t want anything serious or he’s displaying he doesn’t want anything serious, then you should lace up your AirMaxs and run too. I say often we have got to stop being scared of loneliness. It’s a lot of unlearning that’s necessary when you do reach a certain level of emotional maturity,
You start thinking clearer and can now start your journey to your explicit wants and needs. That goes for both men and women. Men have to stop doing relationship-type things with women they have no good desire to be in a relationship with. They must acknowledge they could potentially lose out on that woman because he isn’t willing to give her what she wants and needs and BE OKAY WITH THAT. It’s very selfish to have a woman fulfill all of your physical and emotional needs and then gaslight her to keep her around.
For those unfamiliar with the term, please take a look at its definition:
“Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that’s seen in abusive relationships. It’s the act of manipulating a person by forcing them to question their thoughts, memories, and the events occurring around them. A victim of gaslighting can be pushed so far that they question their own sanity.”Gaslighting definition, from Healthline.com
We all have got to do better if we truly want real love. If you don’t, THAT’s OKAY too. By all means, enjoy your hot girl and hot boy summers.
I’m just here as a messenger to remind us all we have to use caution in matters of the heart. Jazmine Sullivan told us, “You can’t keep playin with people’s feelings; tell them you love them and don’t mean it.”
Be Safe and Intentional
We don’t want any busted car windows, unwanted pregnancies, or STDs. Mkay! This means we have to proceed with caution while millennial dating and moving into these summer months.
Until next time, that’s the way ShayMo Sees It!