For those that have healed after a broken heart, we know it isn’t anything to play with. We’re soldiers. Shout out to us. Lol For those that haven’t experienced it yet I don’t know what to tell you. Lol, I guess I can say it hurts but you’ll survive. So, I’ll give you a little background info before I dive in. Prior to the relationship that left me heartbroken, I always had the mentality that if I lost a parent then I could never be hurt (silly I know). I also didn’t really have high expectations for men. I had been disappointed by men in the past but it wasn’t really a huge deal. It became a huge deal when I finally decided to take someone seriously and give them my all. So when it ended, I was completely broken because I felt like I had given it all I had and was left with nothing. So when I say that first real heartbreak almost took me under! It really did and I truly had to work to repair my heart to refrain from turning into one of those people that thinks all men are trash.
I’ll say that I’m thankful for the experience because when my friends would go through painful breakups I felt bad because I could never relate. I just would hit them with the cliches “you can do better” and “forget him” ( which mean absolutely nothing when you’re hurting.) I never really realized how painful a break up could be. So when I did, I actually started to see the resemblance between the intensity of pain from death and pain from heartache.
Secondly, God will send you signs that it’s time to heal and let go – so never ignore them. A pivotal sign for me was when I was out traveling and randomly after telling an elderly gentleman that I loved the area and was interested in relocating he just started speaking life into me. I never mentioned anything about dating but he talked about how I deserved the best and to never settle for being mistreated. He even said how if I didn’t have a father to meet the men I dated, which I don’t, he would meet them and it BLEW me away because he didn’t know anything about me. This is one of many reasons why I could never question Gods existence because I truly believe that He will speak to you through others.
So here are some tips that helped me through the healing process:
Tip # 1. Cut off contact with them entirely.
Block their phone number. Delete them from social media & don’t stalk them from your friend’s pages. I’ll never forget the times(s) when I would check his page and find myself back at square one and get so disappointed feeling like all the work i did to heal had been wasted. I came across something so profound one day it said: “Do you realize that you work against God when you pray for healing then you check their social media.” This really set me straight so from that point on I had to give that up because it’s true that to heal any wound you have to stop touching it. So cut all ties for as long as you need to heal.
Tip # 2. Ask people around you not to talk about it.
This may be extreme but for me, I had to ask those that were close to me to stop bringing it up. I pray my mom forgives me because one day she hit me with the “you’ll be back with him tomorrow” and I was like 3 weeks into my healing journey so I was a little mean that day. Lol So refraining from talking about the relationship over and over with people and shutting down any conversations with people who make a mockery of your pain is vital.
Tip # 3 Analyze the relationship.
Don’t beat yourself up but ask yourself what worked and what didn’t. Take responsibility for what you did wrong and take this as an opportunity to know what you can bless your next relationship with. This process will not only help you heal but it will make you better as a whole. You don’t have to completely forget the person. Take with you the things that benefited you and leave behind those that didn’t. Also, don’t focus on why they treated you the way they did because you’ll never come up with the right answer. Focus on the lessons you learned from it and what you’ll do differently in your next relationship. Use this to restructure your standards. Create a list of things that you absolutely won’t accept the next time around. During this process know that you have every right to feel however you want to feel. Don’t let anyone tell you that how you feel isn’t right. We’re all different. The same situations affect us differently. So don’t suppress any emotions. They’ll only resurface later.
Tip # 4 Know that what you settled for isn’t what you deserve.
You are deserving of the purest authentic love. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. You deserve the Corinthians 13:4-8 type of love. The real deal. Know that the one that is for you won’t leave. Know that when someone that doesn’t see your worth leaves you, they are doing you the biggest favor. When you believe this in the bottom of your heart. The pain will subside I promise.
Tip # 5. Pray.
I literally prayed so hard during the healing process. I prayed for God to restore what was lost. I prayed that I forgave myself for forgetting my worth. I prayed to feel whole and happy again. I prayed to forgive him and be free from bitterness. In return not only did God grant me peace, understanding, and wholeness he granted me purpose. The moment I was able to take my heart off of the pain that the relationship caused me I was able to devote my energy to healing and serving other people. I also prayed for my ex-boyfriend. I prayed for him to heal from any hurt I caused, known and unknown. I prayed for his intentions and heart to be pure so that he could properly love and nourish his next relationship and give it everything that it deserves. Lastly, I also prayed for all of the women I argued with. Lol, The list was longggg (due to immaturity) but I prayed for them sincerely. Prayer brought more healing than anything.
If you’re struggling with a broken heart knowing that it’s only temporary but you have to allow it to be. What you settled for isn’t what you’ll end up with if you’re intentional about the healing process. God wants to use your pain for the purpose. God wants to repair you from the inside out. I look back now and I’m amazed. I see why I had to go through that. I was being strengthened and prepared like no other and I wouldn’t change a thing if I could. The wrong love showed me how to love the right way and I’m thankful for it.
Thanks for reading. I love you
Connect with Jamilah
Facebook Jamilah Shabazz