I never knew how strong I was until God put me in situations where my strength was tested.
I never knew how brave I was until I was able to protect my mother from the abusive hands of a man.
I never knew how humble I was until my favorite celebrity chef told me keep being who I am because God got me
I actually never knew a lot of things until God put me in circumstances to see it myself.
Growing Up, I was blessed to have people around me that loved me so much. Being the oldest of five, I was left in charge while my mom worked a full time job to make sure we had a home to lay our heads in. Even when we didn’t have beds, at least we had a home. There were times when it was rough. I used to hate when she told me certain bills would not get paid because I would get so stressed.
I loved my mom and I think I possessed her strength.
Because I was my mom’s right hand, I had to grow up real quick at a young age. I gave up my childhood so my siblings didn’t ever have to have the weight of the world on their shoulders. As their big sister and mother figure, I had to carry that weight by myself. As I said before I love my mother and she always worked to make sure we had a home but she lacked the motherly role in other areas beyond her control. At one point, she wanted to “have fun” and be free because she had her kids young but the timing was wrong. Her kids were not adults yet! We were still kids. I watched so many men come in and out of my mom’s life. I also watched some of those men “watch me” while they were in my mom’s life.
Growing up so fast.
Being an adult in a child’s body came with its setbacks. Depression was heavy on my heart. I always wore a smile but when I closed my door, the tears shed heavily. After a while, I became numb to the pain. My mission was to make sure everyone around me was HAPPY while I was dying inside. It took me years to realize that I am a Queen and I am my own beautiful. It took God almost taking my life to realize I am here for somebody….. for some reason.
I never knew I was suicidal until I tried to kill myself.
I never knew I was loved until my little brother called me mama by mistake because I’m all he knew as “one”.
I never knew I was a broken warrior until God brought me through my darkest nights.
Signed,
Broken Warrior