Here I am, gearing up to introduce a new campaign I’ve been dreaming of: A Home of My Own. As a 35-year-old marketing director and lifestyle storyteller, I wanted to invite everyone to join me on the journey as I transform my first solo apartment into a sanctuary that reflects comfort, luxury, and intention. I fully planned to embrace this “influencer” lane, sharing the products and brands that are helping me make this space my own.
And while that’s still the plan—grief has come knocking at my door.
My daddy has passed. And if you know me, you know our relationship hasn’t always been the most consistent thing in my life. That’s what makes this so incredibly hard. This season of loss has been filled with more phone calls, more “I love yous,” and, for the first time ever, a “Give me a hug.” No one wants to experience these moments this way.
And I know – I should be grateful that I was able to hear those things. And I am. I’m going to treasure that last “I love you too, baby” when it was just him and I in the hospital room Friday. June 6… forever.
Good grief.
You never know what God has in store for you—good or bad. But one thing’s for sure: He’s going to give you the strength to get through.
I’m much stronger than I could have ever imagined.
One thing I’ve realized is we don’t talk enough about anticipatory grief. He hasn’t been the daddy I knew for the past four or five months. Since he’s been continuously declining with no proof of progression, I was waiting—and anticipating the phone call—while also letting go at the same time.
That waiting period taught me:
1. Time is of the essence.
Every moment matters. Time has a way of slipping through our fingers if we let it, so I’ve learned to cherish the smallest interactions—an unexpected text, a simple “I love you,” even a tired smile. I’ve stopped putting things off, and stopped assuming there would always be more time. Because sometimes, there isn’t.
2. Show up + forgive.
Life is too short to hold grudges or stay distant out of pride. I’ve learned that showing up—physically, emotionally, spiritually—matters more than any argument or disappointment. And forgiveness, even in the hardest moments, is more for me than it is for anyone else. Forgiving doesn’t erase the hurt, but it allows me to love without bitterness.
3. Appreciate the people who show up for you without asking.
It’s easy to get caught up in the noise of social media or the busyness of work, but grief has shown me the true value of those who show up without being asked—the friends who check in just to say, “I’m thinking of you,” the family members who hold your hand in silence, the co-workers who carry your load when you’re too tired to stand. These people are a gift. I’ve learned to treasure them deeply.
So, as I step into this new chapter—grief in one hand and growth in the other—I’m reminded that this season of my life is more than a home project or an influencer campaign. It’s about finding strength in the midst of heartbreak, holding space for both the pain of goodbye and the excitement of new beginnings.
I don’t have all the answers, hell – I don’t have any. But in true Strut fashion… I know that sharing my journey, in all its messiness and beauty, is part of the healing. I hope that by opening this door, I’m creating a space where others feel seen and less alone in their own grief + growth journeys.
Good grief—it’s already teaching me more than I ever expected.