So let’s talk about the struggle of the really crappy days… The day starts off not so good then it progresses to very bad. For some reason, when I feel terrible everything goes wrong. I finally drag myself out of bed, stop at Tim Horton before work, get to work and there’s nowhere to park literally. I finally get to my desk, try to eat my sandwich and discover it’s completely burnt. Like, it so ugly and if you know me – you know I do not eat ugly food. So, of course, at this point, all I want to do, is take my meds and try to push through but noooooo! I take my sandwich back and fortunately, they took care of it and gave me a beverage and a donut for the inconvenience.
Let’s fast forward to the real struggle. I’m sitting at my desk on the phone and I can feel the pain intensifying throughout my body. At this point, I can barely sit up, I have to clock out to gather myself because I feel the tears starting to fill my eyes. No one knows the internal struggle of masking this pain. It is so embarrassing to be at work, crying and trying to stretch this pain out. Luckily we have a quiet room, with recliners, that let all the way out so I could try to get some type of relief.
It’s so frustrating to keep going through this on the daily basis.
Not to mention, I have last minute things I need to do for Uniquely’s photo shoot but how can I when my spine is on fire??!! I’m just so over this I swear.
Days like today make you want to really give up on your dreams, but then I have to remind myself that it’s ok to have a bad day, it’s ok to not feel well and that I can just try again tomorrow. I have to give myself pep talks from time to time because life still happens. It doesn’t stop just because you feel like crap.
I was kinda preparing myself for this day because I know whenever I’m trying to do something good and be great, something always goes wrong or my body shuts down on me but that only motivates me to go even harder.
I may get knocked down but I’ll never stay down.
I know that I’m destined to do great things and make a difference in the world, I just have to be more cautious so that I can create some dope magic without overdoing it in the process. I’ve never been a quitter but I won’t lie Fibro is the only thing that’s ever made me want to quit but then I remind myself that it’s apart of my journey. I wouldn’t be the woman I am today, have the strength I have if I didn’t have fibro.
So although we have a love-hate, well more like an “I hate you”, relationship I know that I’m not just going through this for me. I’m going through it for me to be able to help someone else get through it and raise awareness of the disease itself.
I’m learning, my struggle is not just my struggle, it’s our struggle. I don’t know who the “‘OUR” is but I’m here for you.